Am I a
horrible person? Am I a piece of crap? An indecorous waste of space? A sad
attempt of a human draft that is craving for obliteration? Cause today, this is
how I feel.
I feel
unwanted, un-cherished. By whom, by what? No idea. There’s no answer. By
myself. Maybe. By the universe. Perhaps.
I wish
every person I ever damaged in a direct way, or due to the immediate result of
my own actions, would tell me so. Then I’d realize what a horrible person I am,
and I’d face all the shit that I might stumble upon on my way with pride,
knowing its beyond well deserved.
If I was
rude, if I was selfish, ego centered, confusing or just plain mean, please, let
me know. Insult me, retaliate and take fucking revenge. Do as you please, but let
me know where was I wrong.
I know that everything happens for a reason, every parasite has it's gorging to do, every martir has it's pieces to pick up afterwards and every artist has it's shitload of adversity to face every single moment with parametric and oscilating intensities. Think of it as a soundwave, with a peak and a low, depending on the frequency you somehow manage to stand in, the longer or shorter time lapses will occur between ups and downs.
ReplyDeleteI've chosen demons to resonate with my own, kind of exorcise them if you will. To be pulverized in the midst of the abyss, only to be resynthetized in a better form afterwards, stronger, refined and forward learnt on myself and my nature. I can only say that I give light to darkness, so I can identify that darkness in me and turn it into a shade (just for contrast) while moving towards what I want, away from what I don't, identifying it's resonance within me. Putting yourself in other people's place is a good way to not do to others what you don't like to be done to you, it's a simple exercise, technical even, but effective and bulshit and drama free.
However, even do I don't reflect that much on people, I do believe in reflection as a way of communication, and if someone is gratuitiously mean to me, that's exactly what I'm gonna give back, with dignity to not loose my north in the process.