LET'S CARRY ON.

I’m supposed to be trying my best to figure out a way to manufacture an assignment on company briefs for tomorrow, and then, considering the very responsible and willing version of myself I should try to be would do so, spend the rest of the night sketching patterns to sew a blazer on my own before Friday.

Instead of that, I’ve just poured myself my fourth vodka-grapefruit, and uploaded a new episode of “How I met your mother”. (No comments).

The ways I’ve lost faith on myself are so various and so plain that I don’t even dare to mention them at all. I’ve questioned myself so many awful times in the past few days on what is it that keeps me going, and where exactly is it leading me towards, that is no longer of any help to even do so.  

I’m 22 and I’m here, just like so many of you are…       Here.

When I feel my whole being is slipping down to getting compartmented into this two categories, that vacant version of myself that tackles my day-to-day matters, and my higher emotional and thoughtful self, which is being repressed in a cage of its own creation -and for its own sake-, I can’t help but to wonder if it’s this the realm I’m bound to strive to ever find happiness in, or if it’s just a sad attempt from the sneaky context I’m immersed in to make me believe it’s the one and only option I’ve got.

I believe in hard work, in stability, in commitment, in success and in a life that fulfills itself because of the mere presence of these previously mentioned items. Therefore I can’t believe I’m facing a reality in which I’m barely out of my teen years, and I no longer even have the energy to strive for that elusive ulterior motive. Has the pressure been too much, or am I just a bad combination of facts?

My fourteen-year-old self had such high expectations and such an amazing predisposition towards the future it sometimes makes me wanna be able to go back in time and just slap the fuck out of my young self.

I’m drunk. I’m off to bed.

Oh. And before I leave, may I just say: FUCK EVERYTHING.
Beso!